Context
Why?: A default question that we ask to ourselves and to others several times in a daily basis
“Why am I doing this?”, “Why did you say that?”, “Why would I do it?”
These “why” questions are deeply ingrained in our communication habits. While they seem to seek understanding, they often lead us to focus on the past and find reasons or justifications for our actions.
A simple change in our words can shift how we see things. Replacing “Why” with “For what” opens new ways to approach our experiences, decisions, and talks with others. This small change moves us from looking at reasons to exploring purpose. It turns our talks from explaining the past to thinking about the future.
Purpose / Objective
To provide a simple yet powerful shift in questioning, enabling you to transition from seeking reasons to exploring purpose in your thoughts, decisions, and interaction with others.
Expected Immediate Benefits
- Develop a more purposeful and intentional approach to daily life
- Increase clarity in decision-making processes
- Improve communication with others having more meaningful conversations
- Shift from problem-focused thinking to solution-oriented mindset
- Transform negative feelings into future vision and motivation
The Tool
“Ask For What” is a simple reframing technique that involves replacing “Why” questions with “For What” questions. This subtle shift can profoundly impact how you perceive and respond to situations in your life, as well as how you engage with others.
How to use it
1 – Awareness – notice the “Why” questions:
Pay attention to when you or others use “Why” questions in conversations or self-talk. These questions often lead to past-focused thinking or justifications. Examples include “Why did this happen?”, “Why am I feeling this way?”, or “Why did you do that?”
2 – Recognize your initial response:
Quickly note your immediate answer to the ‘why’ question and any emotions it triggers (e.g., frustration, resignation, defensiveness). This awareness helps you understand the impact of ‘why’ questions.”
3 – Reframe the question with “For What?”:
Now, consciously rephrase the question, replacing “Why” with “For What?”. This simple change shifts the focus from reasons to purpose. For instance, “Why am I doing this?” becomes “For what am I doing this?”
4 – Answer and reflect on it:
Respond to the “For What?” question. You may notice that your answers are more future-oriented and purpose-driven. Reflect on how this new perspective changes your understanding of the situation or decision.
5 – Identify the feeling behind it:
Pay attention to your emotional state after answering the “For What?” question. Often, you’ll find a shift towards more positive, motivating emotions like determination, clarity, or enthusiasm. This emotional shift is a key benefit of the reframing process.
6 – Make a conscious effort to apply it regularly:
Make a conscious effort to use this tool daily. The more you practice, the more natural it will become to shift from “Why” to “For What” in your thinking and interactions.
Remember, the goal is not to eliminate “Why” questions entirely, but to balance them with “For What” questions, especially in situations where you find yourself or others stuck in negative thought patterns or lacking motivation.
Some Examples of Why vs For What
| Situation | Why? | For What? |
|---|---|---|
| Working overtime | Why am I working overtime? “Because my boss asked me to.” | For what am I working overtime? “To complete an important project that could lead to a promotion.” |
| Career choice | Why did I choose this career? “Because it seemed like a stable job.” | For what did I choose this career? “To make a positive impact in people’s lives while challenging myself professionally.” |
| Helping a neighbor | Why am I helping my neighbor? “Because that’s what good neighbors do.” | For what am I helping my neighbor? “To build a stronger community and create a support system for myself and others.” |
| Having lunch with my mom | Why am I having lunch with my mom? “Because it’s our weekly routine.” | For what am I having lunch with my mom? “To strengthen our relationship and create meaningful memories together.” |